Other People’s Models

I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. We had a good weekend, but he said he wants to take this coming weekend off and his roommate is out of town. I called him last night. He asked if he could call me back tomorrow and hung up. I called him like an hour ago, and he hasn’t called back. This is bringing up paranoia, feat that we are going to break up, and embarrassment that he doesn’t want me or treat me well.

I feel overwhelmed by my feelings. I feel sad, disappointed, paranoid, and tired. Part of me wants to give up on him. I feel like I am operating out of fear a lot this week. I want to feel better, but I just feel scared, tired, and lonely.

R didn’t call today
T: He could be with someone else right now
F: Shame, fear, anger
A: Call him, message him, think of things he could be doing, could have done in the past, or could do in the future. Obsess about him, want him to call so I can feel better. Don’t do things to take care of myself or my life, make myself smaller, give my power away
R: I create the experience of him cheating on me, I hurt myself emotionally

C: R hasn’t called
T: This has happened before and it was nothing
F: Calmer
A: Try to calm myself, take breaths, do models, think about something else, give myself a break, don’t keep calling and texting him, sit with my uncomfortable emotions.

Answers to last coaching question:

What are some thoughts about your self-worth that you want to embrace and start finding evidence for now?
I am worthy of love and kindness independent of my financial or romantic situation. I can be comfortable and happy in my body whether I am in a relationship or not. I am beautiful and talented. I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves and respects me. I can find inner peace that is not dependent on others actions. I do not cause other people to treat me a certain way, they create their thoughts, feelings and actions. When I feel lonely, I can remember that nothing has gone wrong. I can find value and self worth from my own thoughts instead of other people’s reactions.