I’m currently working towards my impossible goal to make 88k, but at the same time I can’t shake off or be with the feeling of overwhelm.
I’m currently working at a job that I plan on leaving once I decide to get a new job in another field. I don’t currently know which field to go for 100% so I’ve decided to take a course in the field and have received a response from someone working in the field to talk to more about it in the spring. I want to jump ship right now as my job brings the feeling of overwhelm up alot and really doesn’t align with any of my life purposes. My medications are quite expensive without insurance and I don’t want to work at a job that pays less than I make now and doesn’t align with any of my life purposes.
I had my yearly performance review meeting with my boss yesterday. I got a really high score, but from what my boss said I felt overwhelmed.
Unintentional Model:
C: boss says words: “I expect nothing less than you exceeding expectations even more than last year since our team is known to exceed expectations. You need to learn more coding and you need to learn to multitask.”
T: I’m not sure my body can take that much work.
F: overwhelmed
A: I don’t work on more projects, I avoid responding to emails, I buffer with phone, I don’t eat lunch.
R: I don’t work on relaxing my body
I honestly don’t want to hustle anymore. I can’t see myself multi-tasking or going above expectations more this year without hustling and learning anything new on top of my night class.
Intentional Model: ( what I’d like to believe)
C: same
T: I can learn more coding and multi task without hustling
F: calm
A: prioritizing what tasks to work on, ask coworkers if a similar project has been done in the past, look up ways others multi-task
R: I don’t hustle
When I’m feeling overwhelmed, my body is in a constant sprint. I can sleep for about 9 hours, but as soon as I wake up, I’m in the sprint again. It’s a really uncomfortable feeling for me. I imagine my chest filling up like a balloon and not being able to continue breathing in and out. I can’t be still with the feeling.
I also realized I’ve been looking to hang out with friends and family to avoid this overwhelm. But just like asleep, as soon as I’m not hanging out with friends and family I’m back to sprinting.
Any suggestions or thoughts that could assist me with processing this emotion?
