Overwhelming emotion

Hi Brooke,
You coached me a few weeks ago about my worries about my 15 year old daughter’s imminent return from a therapeutic boarding school. Well, she has been home for almost four weeks and it’s been quite challenging at times. Suddenly she has friends AND a boyfriend (all new as before she left she was stricken with major social anxiety). Now she is fighting tooth and nail for as much time as she can have with these new very important people in her life.

Her Dad and I (we are divorced) have been trying to get up to speed with these new developments and have put in the appropriate boundaries to the best of our ability. However, I picked her up at Dad’s last night for her week with me and she asked if she could see friends. But, Sunday night was already ruled out for socializing. When I told her “no” she launched into a horrible tirade in the car, swearing at me, saying all manner of hurtful things. I told her she was grounded for talking to me like that. When we got home she ran to her room and remained their for the rest of the night. I was very upset, called my support team, took a hot bath.
This morning was no better, she was rude and aggressive.

Despite have a full day’s schedule of things I needed to accomplish, I was unable to do anything but crawl back in bed. Try as I might I could not shift my emotions from grief, rage, self-pity etc. I felt all the familiar depression wash over me that defined my life before she left 14 months ago. I thought of you and how you’ve faced your anxiety in the mornings to go on and have a successful day, and that made me feel even more defeated, because I couldn’t reach for a better emotion.

I finally dragged myself to the library to work on a project and I am dreading returning home and dealing with her. I am exhausted and very lacking in resilience. I just want to cry or rage or both.

How would you approach this?