And my moments of exhilaration and happiness…have turned into unexpected feelings of sadness and odd anxiety over the SPACE? What gives?
What’s the deal with me feeling a kind of mournful anxiousness (along with anticipated giggling glee) when looking at my sparkling closet that now has nicely folded pants, shirts I love, work clothes than hang beautifully next to each other and other stuff that I’d buy again? There is an entire top shelf that is now 50% empty, 2 mini shelves that are empty as well as a side drawer. The underwear drawer is reduced by half. When I looked at the “after” closet, I seriously thought “wait, I must have forgotten to put some piles back that I want..” and scanned around the room, looked under the bed (!??!) and even checked the bathroom (confession: I pulled back the shower curtain. Yes I did.) Nope. I relished in my sense of breathing room, and felt happy and light. Till now, where I have a sense of fidgeting around, thinking “what is going to happen with that space? What does this mean? What should I do about this? ” it’s like my mind is saying things have become vulnerable by this openness. I tried out the following model approach –can you share what do you think? I’m talking to my “watchdog” mind, saying things like “ah, I see you, you’re feeling a bit spazzed out by this, I know, it’s a new thing, to just have something “done” BE there and instead of start/stopping and overwhelmed…” AHA! I wonder if that’s it…its like my mind is saying “wait, there’s nothing to react to here, no mess, no overloaded sense of “I should/need to deal with some problem..” . My closet is just sitting there, happily balanced. No drama. SO WHAT’S WITH MY MIND TRYING TO CREATE DRAMA?!?! I’m not excited to imagine I’m trying to make drama for myself. Ok, any insight or perspective is appreciated. Here are the model’s I tried –thoughts?
C: My closet has empty spaces in it now that were not there 2.5 hours ago.
T: wait what? Something’s off
F: Uneasy, reactive
A: Brain spin, looking at the empty spaces and wondering what to “do” about them
R: I fret over an imagined issue and spend energy on it instead of reviewing my work reports.
C: My closet has empty spaces in it now that weren’t there 2.5 hours ago
T: Thank you items for our time together as you move on to someone else!
F: Grateful anticipation and pride
A: I engage more fully in my evening work, feeling more present and not snagged by stuff (in my closet or mind)
R: I get it done and can switch off at night.