Planning my birthday

Hello, I’d love to be coached through this year’s birthday.
Last year I chose to not eat sugar on my birthday because the negative effects outweighed the pleasure, mainly I had found when I did eat sugar the urge to continue would be very strong and it often led to a general overeat or continuing to eat past the planned exception.
What actually happened was I ate unplanned cake on the day after having a disappointing dinner. I then felt shame and regret and then went on to eat multiple slices of cake, slabs of chocolate and other sugar items over the next 3 days.
I do not want to have the same pattern this year. My belief that deciding not to eat the sugar last year caused my binge, makes me want to rather plan some cake this year. But I do get that it was my thinking that caused the binge not the actual act of not eating the cake. So I don’t know if I should or shouldn’t plan the cake. I’m caught between wanting my life to be about more than food. And not wanting to create such a big charge around sugar: i.e. I don’t want to be afraid of having a joy eat or making a mistake and having some sugar.
I’ve had some success eating a single slice of cake that was planned and then going back onto protocol and it felt great when I got it right. But when I’ve been more vague about having a sugar item in a meal it seems to turn into a prolonged off protocol event.
I guess then the answer is to make it very specific and well planned and then choose to not eat sugar or flour the rest of the time.
The thought that really hurts at this stage is that I shouldn’t still be battling this, its my 3rd year of having issues with sugar around my birthday and I feel like I should have sorted it out by now, its such a waste of my time that I’m still having to give it my attention. (which of course loads more negative feelings on top)
Last year I was 6 pounds higher than my ultimate goal weight having gained back some weight. This year I’m 5 pounds higher than that and starting to re-double down to lose the last 10 pounds yet again.
I’m so tired of my life being about these 10 pounds yet I feel better when they are off and I do want to choose to live a life without buffering which is what I need to keep them off.
any help is greatly appreciated.