Someone wrote in about confusion between being positive and being manic, and this resonated with me. I rarely feel intense positive emotion. Usually I am pensive, melancholic and anxious. So when I suddenly feel ecstatic over something it feels scary. When it happens I start googling bi-polar disorder and checking myself for symptoms. But it’s probably just my hypochondria kicking in because I often suspect myself having a serious illness noticing the slightest deviation of my usual physical and mental state. Being “Just a little bit sad” feels comfortable and familiar. Anything other than that creates “There must be something wrong with me” thought. But in the same time I don’t like my go-to feelings because they don’t help me to create the life that I want for me. I want to learn to be open and willing to feel all of it, experience the whole spectrum of emotion.

There is another aspect of feeling strong positive emotion. I noticed that it is almost like a bad omen for me. For example, a few year ago I met a man and felt such a strong attraction to him in my body that I couldn’t think of anything else. That was the most excruciating and painful relationship I ever had in my life. Another example, in late 2019 I planned an amazing long weekend in Paris for me and my husband in a luxury 5 star hotel all complimentary from my job. I was absolutely ecstatic about this opportunity. It was booked for may 2020. Not only Covid happened and the trip was canceled, I also lost my job.
I know it is probably just coincidences and my thoughts about those events but it could be my intuition giving me heads up. I mean every time I feel an emotion out of my regular spectrum something very unusual happens in my life.

Here is a model:
C feeling strong positive emotion
T I shouldn’t be this ecstatic/inspired/happy, something bad might happen
F worried
A looking for danger, finding examples from the past when feeling positive about something brought pain and disappointment
R not creating the life that I want, blocking myself from feeling positive emotion