Preference or Manual

How can I tell the difference between having a preference or if something is actually part of a “manual”?

Why the difference matters to me is because a preference would be reason for me to change a circumstance (i.e. break up), but I would like to work on dropping my manuals.

In my current relationship I sometimes miss a certain kind of communication, that is easeful and witty. I don’t want to change my partner and love him no matter how he communicates. However, this does not change the fact that I sometimes miss that part. And communication definitely is something I generally care about a lot.

How do I know I am in a clean place with this? Or if there is still more to work on? When do I start coaching myself out of a desire/preference?

Thanks for your thoughts on this.