Questions in grief

I am going through a breakup – I ended it Thursday Morning – and my feelings of loss are extremely intense. Loosing my Best friend, the life I wanted with him, who I made him up to be in my head, and the loss of being chosen. I am working hard to avoid all the feelings so i’m also working hard to try and feel them and allow them to pass.

I had this thought come up: “Why do so many people have someone except me?”

I thought about 99% of my friends, and even some of their kids have met someone
I am so confused because I feel like ima catch and I just don’t understand why this man would risk loosing me and why I have not been married or had kids yet. What do they see is wrong with me?

So I went to work….
C: Breakup
T: Why do so many people have someone except me
F: Alone
A: Cry, ruminate, hard on myself, shame, stay in a relationship that is not giving me what I want to need, don’t focus on work,
R: Don’t show up as my best self

What am I making that thought mean: There is something wrong with me, and some one choosing to be with me would prove that thought wrong and show me I am enough and wanted.

So then I say neural thoughts:
I am human
I am a woman
I am a woman with friends
I am a woman that people call beautiful and worthy
I am a woman that friends say I deserve more
I am a woman that wants more than I was getting

I still don’t feel better and I still feel like I believe the original thought. What am I missing?