Relationship and Ultimatum

Hi Brooke, I am blaming God for my problem. I am feeling angry and as a practicing Catholic have a really difficult time being in relationship with God. Here is the problem.
I am 54, never been married, recently ended a 6 year relationship because my partner was not able to commit to marriage. I know he loves me but has great fear around marriage. I am not able to get past being with him any longer without getting married. Last year we broke up and a few months later he told my father that he wanted to marry me and we got back together, however, he again became very anxious about marriage and we broke up once again. We are really good together otherwise. But marriage is a non-negotiable for me. I really believe do believe we are great together and I know he loves me.

Will you help me with creating intentional thoughts? Current thoughts: I am breaking off relationships with God and by boyfriend because my terms are not met. But how do I get past letting go of what I believe should happen (marriage)? In all accounts we really should be married but the reality is that we are not and now we are not together and I am miserable. I know you have said that you choose to leave from a good place, I am not in a good place.