Need some help.
So my boyfriend quit smoking 8 months ago but today I found out that he has been lying to me for the past few weeks about chewing tobacco. This is not the first time he has lied to me (different situation last time).
When I decided to stay with him the last time I told him I wouldn’t tolerate another lie.
Now I’ve been struggling with this because I’m in that stupid indecision boat. Which I is something that I do a lot while I’m with him.
I often wonder if we are even meant for each other because I value growth and health (health and wellness coach in training) which are things he doesn’t really tap into much himself. I often feel like we are on two different paths.
He plays a lot of video games and also works at a game store. He wastes a lot of time not doing much. Sometimes I think we have much in common. (Things that sway me to go)
But he is also very kind, helpful and loving when he is with me. (what tells me to stay).
I’ve done thought downloads and models.
Unintentional thoughts are (if I choose to stay)
C: Lied about Tobacco
T;He will probably just lie again. We don’t belong together.
F:Makes me feel crappy, sad and disappointed
A:Close myself off and probably pick fights with him. Act suspicious of him
R:Thus leading to a disconnected relationship.
Intentional thoughts are
C: Lied about not chewing tobacco
T:His intentions aren’t to hurt me. He is probably struggling. He loves me and he lied in fear of losing me
F:I feel more understanding, compassion and love
A:Allow for more communication between us. Allow him to be himself without him fearing me judging him.
R:More love and communication in our relationship
My fears for leaving were
T:What if I’m making a mistake. Everything we do together will go away, I don’t want to be alone.
F:Sad, lonely, fear
A: Close myself off to others. Wallow in doubt and loneliness. Buffer on TV Shows
R: Lose myself and be alone
Intentional thoughts (if I go)
T: I’ll be okay. Nothing is wrong with being alone. I can love me and that can be enough
A: Keep myself open
R: Move forward
Now I know I can’t control him or push him to better himself and do more for himself.
Guess What I can’t wrap my head around is the part where I am OKAY with him not taking care of his health or doing more for himself. I feel like he’s doing that “punching himself” thing and I’m just standing by watching as I’m trying to better myself.
I truly want to focus on myself and just allow him to love me as he does but I sway myself back to wanting to get him to see what I see and how much potential he has to live a better life.
I know that’s not how it works. I guess it’s the “click” I’m looking for where I can be okay with it. Guess that would be the thought maybe?
Thanks Brooke, I’ll leave it there before it gets way too long.