Relationship with Daughter, Brooke (RG)

Hey Brooke, (obviously my favorite name)
I have 3 amazing adult children. I have 2 daughters and a son. I think I have an extrodinary relationship with all of them and our individual relationships have very different dynamics. I struggle a bit with my middle child, Brooke. Here is the problem and I’m having trouble figuring out the cause. I have modeled it but still not feeling like I’m really getting to the cause. I have changed my thoughts, feelings, and actions leading to different results for myself within my relationship with her. But I’m still feeling a bit stuck.

C: Me and my daughter Brooke
T: I need affirmation from her
F: desperate (feels like I’m literally chasing after her-vibe I get)
A: look for attention positive or negative attention from her, want positive responses from her regarding my thoughts and actions in my life and within our relationship as a a mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, have fun with her, fight with her, say mean things to her, apologize, love her, tell her I love her, get frustrated by her actions or lack of actions to anything including towards me, complain to husband in essence to have him “stick up” for me and he says he does but he doesn’t, manipulate conversation and actions to either get a confirming response from her or to agitate her, just always looking for her approval
R: sometimes I get the affirmation and it feels like she is the adult and I am the child, still feels like when she was a teenager “chasing after her”not getting my screaming words out fast enough as she slammed her bedroom door, still looking for approval and not getting it, frustrated

C- Me and Daughter Brooke
T: I want to not have to need her affirmation so I can feel better about our relationship and mostly myself
R: to feel like the adult mature parents, know I am good enough and continue to know she loves me a lot, not be concerned with her approval because I know deep down I am a great mom, grandmother, and mother-in-law, not pick fights with her, calmer, accepting

Model 2
C: I am a Mom, Grandmother, and Daughter-in-law
T: I don’t know the underlying reason why I feel like I need my daughter’s approval that I am a great Mom, Grandmother, and Daughter-in-law
F: needy
A: look to stir up positive and negative responses from her, fight with her and let her know when I think she is wrong or done something wrong, make her and her family the focus of my husband and my free weekend time, cancel other plans to be with them, have fun with them, plan my drinking around being with them, now try not to manipulate my drinking plan around them, willingly and wanting to be helpful and be with my grandchildren when my daughter needs my help or just because I want to be with them, text, call or facetime her to let her know something great that I’m doing or something great about myself in hopes she will give me that positive affirmation
R: spend a lot of mental energy looking for affirmation and being disappointed, frustrated, angry, feel child-like

C: Me and My Daughter Brooke
T: I really know in my heart that I am the best possible Mom, Grandmother, and Mother-in-Law I can be
F: love for myself and them
A: remind myself of this thought, think before I think or act with her, notice when I’m looking for approval, question it and change my historical reaction and responses
R: be more at peace with myself and know I am the best I possibly can be and trust in the thought they love and appreciate me for me, know I am a wonderful Mom, Grandmother, and Mother-in-law