Relationship with myself: self-sabotage

Happy New Year Brooke!

First, let me express how happy I am that I discovered you when I was in the midst of one of my biggest emotional crises (last year in March). Since then, I decided to join scholars in Oct.last year, and I have done a lot of self work.

I have been ‘’observing” my thoughts, doing thought downloads on a daily basis since then, and my life has changed because I was getting the results I wanted. However, here I am again in the middle of another emotional crises. I realize that after I got everything that I wanted (lose the weight, sleep with this super amazing looking guy), what you have been saying all along that these are just circumstances, and the circumstance never makes you feel a certain way, but our own thoughts. I realize now that the way I was thinking was basically self-sabotaging myself – like “if I lose the weight, I will feel pretty”, ‘if I feel pretty, he will like me and sleep with me’, etc. but this kind of thinking brought to the surface deeper issues – self worth and self esteem. I realize that I have to deal with this, so I have removed all the buffering – stopped contacting the guy, not using food to buffer, etc, but I feel this excruciating pain. I am allowing the pain, and I have good days and not so good days depending on my thoughts. I feel like – ‘you did this to yourself, so now you have to suffer the consequences’. I realize this is not a compassionate way of talking to myself, and I would never offer this advice to a friend, but it’s the only way I know how to speak to myself:(’

My question is related to self-sabotage, and why do I feel this desire to punish myself.

C – the relationship with myself

T – how could I have been so stupid; it was clear that he was not a good fit for me; he was just a player; why did I pursue him if I knew I would get hurt

F- miserable; like a victim

A- spinning thoughts, self-sabotage

R- feeling miserable

Intentional MODEL

C- the relationship with myself

T – I am a human being who is learning about her own needs and wants.

F – patient

A – learn about myself, read about relationships, self help books etc.

R – becoming a person who is learning about myself

Now this is where I would like to get, and when I control my thoughts I am able to do some of these things, but I find it hard to focus or keep my mind disciplined for a long period of time. What do you recommend doing? I watched your live session yesterday, and you were recommending someone to practice doing only positive thought downloads (instead of the negative thoughts), and practice thinking positive thoughts like 500 times a day. What kind of bridging thoughts should I use?

Thank you so much.