Trying to reconcile these two(hundred) things in my mind:
1. The knowledge that I want to be with a man who really, really wants to be with me. A man who sees me, thinks I’m just amazing, wants nothing more than to spend his life with me, a man who KNOWS.
2. The man I’m with loves me unconditionally–his presence, his belief in me, his love for me, it brings me to tears when I think about it. He’s amazing. Being with him has helped me be who I want to be. It’s next level. However, he is not in a rush to get married (he’s years into a divorce that isn’t over yet), he says that while us getting married would be wonderful he doesn’t know what will happen. And I’m in the exact same place actually and I’ve told him this–I would love to spend my life with this guy but I really don’t know if I’ll be all in for that when it comes down to it–we have religious differences and that might be a dealbreaker for me and for him.
I’m asking myself:
Does the fact that both of us love each other but aren’t sure that we actually want to marry each other mean that we should clearly just not be together?
Does it just not matter that we both don’t know–am I not actually spending my time in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere? Or am I?
Am I *settling* for this guy who is ambivalent about marrying me?
Do I want to be with this guy or do I want to go find a guy who is WAY more enthusiastic about marrying me–and who isn’t currently going through a divorce–and who is my same religion?
Am I just so attached to the “greener grass” of life with him AFTER his divorce that I’m blinded to seeing that I should not be with him/should not be waiting for the unknown time in the future when he’ll even be freed up to move forward with me if we decide to?
Am I downplaying the fact that I want to marry a guy who is my religion or at least will convert, ignoring this because I love this guy so much & I’m like “oh it’ll be fine, we’ll figure it out”???