Hi Brooke!

Can you help me with my models regarding my husband and my feelings of resentment?

We have had to borrow a lot of $ from family over the years. Fortunately, we had eventually paid back my brother – I hated having to ask though my brother is generous and loving beyond belief. At times, we had paid back his mother but more recently, we have just been flat out given the money(though he currently oversees his mom’s affairs and care while living locally in an assisted living facility).
My belief system is that my husband should be the provider (maybe this is mistake #1) and he has not really been very successful in business. The good news is that we have retirement money from his years working in corporate america (we are in our early 60’s now) and he will inherit a sizeable amount of $ at some point. Since the recession, he has been an “accidental entrepeneur” and he hasn’t really soared.
So here is the unintentional model:
C – We have struggled financially and borrowed $ from family
T – He hasn’t been a good provider
F – Resentful and ashamed that we borrowed $/given $ by his mom
A – At times, looping thoughts of husband bashing
R – Distant with my husband
Intentional model
C – We have struggled financially and borrowed $ from family
T – Grateful we had family to help out and my husband carried on
F – Relieved we weren’t worse off and we could have been without the help
A – I started working to help out
R – We stayed together and made it through

Still feel resentful and this intentional model doesn’t address my feelings towards my husband. Let me try this one then:

C – We have struggled financially and borrowed $ from family
T – My husband didn’t want this situation ever (though never verbalized that he hated to borrow, like me – honestly I think he is a little aspergerish)
F – compassion for him
A – ?? – at a loss here
R – ?? – at a loss here

Any coaching with all this would be appreciated!