School choices (coparenting)


I have a 2 and a half year old. We care for her 50/50. Me and her mother live around 5 miles away from each other. Currently we are choosing a school And I am experiencing anxiety and discomfort.

Both schools are good choices by all accounts. My personal preference is that my daughter attends the school that is close to where I live. Part of my reason is that the school near mine is supposedly fantastic and the other part is that it would be convenient for me (I could walk to and from school etc).

My ex partner has never lived in one house for more than a year at a time since leaving school and (so far) has a tendency to want to move around quite a bit. Travel and adventure are important to her and were a big part of her job and life before we met.

After her last move we had a discussion where she acknowledged this and said given that I have lived in the same area for about 10 years and intend to remain here it would make sense that our daughter go to school in the area I live in.

This felt like a relief to me at the time. Previous to this I had managed my mind and made peace with our daughter (Hypothetically) attending school at a village outside of the city that I live in. At this point my ex partner was saying she felt comfortable and settled in this area. Now she is saying the same thing and I’m finding it difficult to trust her.

The worst “what if” is that my daughter starts school somewhere and then moves if ex partner decides to-but my sense is that this is avoidable.

For sake of context-me and ex partner met in this city but she is from a small town 150 miles from here. She decided to make a commitment to live close enough to me that I can have the relationship I want to have with my daughter. Also, to be fair to her the last house she stayed in and had a very difficult neighbour which was her reason for moving.

Long story short, I am unsure whether to trust her or whether keeping a little bit of the distrust is practical within this context. It feels like the one place I have the biggest difficulty in “letting the other person be who they are”. My brain is saying that moving around a lot is not ideal for a young child. I lacked stability when I was young and it’s something I want to give to my daughter.

Would really appreciate an outside perspective,