This one feels silly to me, but it’s time that I transcend this. Ever since I was little I’ve been low key obsessed with how I look. As a male, I never talked about this because “only women were supposed to.” Yet it’s time I open up about this. I used to be really fat as a kid and eventually I got really fit and shredded but my brain still beats myself up for other things. For example, I often judge myself for my jawline thinking it’s not manly enough or my height for being too short. Today in particular (and actually for the last few months) I’ve had a weird breakout/rash/skin irritation under my nose for a while. I’ve tried just ignoring it, but it doesn’t work.
Today I woke up feeling ugly cause of my skin irritation under my nose (I know it’s my thoughts this is just where I’m at currently). This is the unintentional model I ran then the intentional model as well.
UNINTENTIONAL
C- how I look today/my breakout under my nose
T- I feel ugly today
F- pathetic/gross
A- avoid my workouts, buffer, beat myself up, compare myself to other people who I think look better than me, workout TOO hard and injure myself (happened before already), constantly point out my face blemishes/breakouts, point out everything “wrong with my body,” think that the reason other people are blowing up faster than me on Tik Tok is because of my looks
R- increase traits I find “ugly?” (this doesn’t feel right to me), respect myself less, not enjoy my own presence no matter what
INTENTIONAL
C- my breakout/looks today
T- It’s just redness under my nose.
F- neutral
A- keep going about my day as normal, focus on things more important to me, be gentle with myself
R- accept myself more regardless of conditions
I noticed as I did this thought work today a heaviness came over me and I cried a bit. I get the sense I might just need to process this emotion more? Something about my intentional model feels like it isn’t just quite the thought I’m looking for. I feel a bit challenged in laddering this one. Seeing myself as unattractive when that’s obviously an opinion and never a fact is not serving me anymore. I let it hold me back from showing up for my online community and my creative practices and my business. It’s time to let this GOOOOOO. Thank you!
