Self Judgement/Self Doubt around Setting+Achieving Goals

In my TD today, I realized that I have a lot of pushback on setting big goals, and I realize that’s because I am mean to myself when I fail or give up.  I also realize that I’m already mean to myself daily about a lot of other things – including what I think I have or have not accomplished – so why not go after the big goal?

Instead, I set small goals I know I can achieve (working out 3x/wk instead of 5x for example), which is great on some levels, but I don’t feel like I’m moving forward — I’m **coasting**.  Then my thought is: There’s nothing wrong with coasting…I love my life just the way it is. But I want MORE and I want to GROW. And I’m telling myself I need a big goal to make that happen, and break out of feeling like I need to accept being “ok” and staying small and where I am.  Here are a couple of my UMs:

C – setting big goals
T – I’m going to be mean to myself when I quit or fail, and I don’t want to feel that.
F – disempowered (and often sadness)
A – tell myself I don’t need a big goal, that everything is good now and I should just be grateful for everything I have, be mean to myself about not setting a goal, berate myself for not being stronger for myself, I don’t take action towards growth – I settle, I coast
R – I don’t grow ????

C – setting goals
T – I should set a small goal I am likely to achieve so I’m not mean to myself
F – resigned
A – judge myself for not going after a big thing
R – I’m still mean to myself about not setting a big goal

But the other side of that is an IM:

C – setting goals
T – I should set a small goal that moves me forward
F – optimistic
A – choose a goal, plan the actions I need to take, calendar them, get it done,
R – I commit to a goal

But what happens at the end of that IM is that I am proud of myself for a hot second before I tumble back down the hill and go back to being mean to myself about not having a big goal and taking massive action.

I know there’s a lot going on here, but I would love some coaching around how to process through this…my thought right now is that I’m missing something…either about being mean to myself or not appreciating my accomplishments. ????  Thank you!!