I’m blown away with this weeks topic. I never thought of myself as someone who would indulge in self-pity, as a matter of fact I almost blew off this weeks homework because i didn’t think it pertained to me. But after reading over the material, I found I have a ton of “characteristics” of someone that indulges in self-pity.
Most of the thoughts that come up in my TD come from a victim mentality– Ie I was abused as a child, my father died, my child died, my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant. I have made peace with most if not all of these circumstances but they definitely left residual effects. This might be a stupid question but do I just decide I was ‘never’ a victim and that things were supposed to happen just as they did? I believe that for the most part but I’m having a hard time with it because most of my identity has been based on these circumstances. Which would mean that I haven’t been authentically me?… So who the heck am I!?
Also, I might have known all of this on some level because I always feel like there’s a Good and a Bad person inside me. And I don’t like myself when I become the whinny, look at me and what i’ve been through person…..I really prefer the “Yes, this happened to me and i’m still a badass” but always feel badly in thinking people can’t handle HER because she’s too much. Except this GIRL takes action and the other one doesn’t.
So now what? I just take responsibility for being this crazy girl?? Choose who I want to be and how I want to feel instead? How do I clean up self-indulgence?