Sex life is DEAD

I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years. He is literally the dreamiest man and I knew RIGHT away when we reconnected (we actually went to middle school together) he was going to be my long term partner and father of my kids. Our sex life was GREAT and then it slowly started to become a me avoiding intimacy thing and then I had our son and then it REALLY died.

I know it’s not just my son. This is a pattern I had in relationships before. Really fiery and passionate and then DEATH.
I have many stories about myself and how “difficult” I am to be with long term. For a long time I said that having a long term healthy sex life with one partner was impossible and to a degree I think I still believe that.

When he’s away, I do a great job of thinking new thoughts and even find myself fantasizing about him and having sex with him IN MY DREAMS. But in waking time, when he cuddles up to me, or is affectionate with me – I freeze and totally avoid doing anything or even being affectionate.

I’m currently working models on this but even picking a better feeling thought feels…loaded. HALP.

Thank you. <3