I have been in a rocky relationship for a little over a year. I met my bf when he was sill with his ex wife. He told me that the relationship was basically over and he wanted to leave but staying for his daughter. Fast forward some time and he now has moved out, sold their house, she has a new house and knows about him and I. During the time when they were still living together we had a rough time with each other. He was always accusing me and trying to control me and I was always accusing him and telling him he cant tell me what to do when he is still living under the same roof as his wife.
Fast forward to now. We seem to always be arguing and theres always issues. We have both gotten to be very verbally abusive to each other when we get into arguments. I want to try harder and harder each day to not react so harshly, even when he is. We both say hurtful things and bring up past issues we’ve been through with each other and it’s like a snowball effect and we go down a dark rabbit hole and the arguments get pretty bad/mean. I know the way I feel is because of my thoughts but things he does drive me mad! How do I stop allowing this to happen? I listen to Brooke on the Pod Cast and how she says not to leave an expect to feel better because I bring my brain with me. So I would really love to get to a better place in my relationship and be happy with him. Myself and my friends I talk to about issues Im feeling, feel that he is very manipulative and maybe a narcissist in some areas. He has MANY manuals for me. Always telling what I need/should be doing and how what I do and say is wrong, all the time. I want to take my power back and control how I am thinking about his actions and help me feel better.
I am not very good with the models, I feel like I know about them but I don’t understand how writing them out will help me think better thoughts. This is my first month in Scholars so I have A LOT to learn.