I have been on an active self-development journey since 2019, beginning with another program (that I love) and also using tools available here. Since then, I think my greatest strides have been in knowing my worth and understanding that other people are on a journey dealing with their own humanity, just like I am.
Where I am currently struggling/frustrated is that I have observed that despite self-development tools, I am still not consistently taking a lot of action in support of my life. I have done SOME big things (eg buy a house, move, basically by myself) but I still struggle to define exactly what I want and take consistent action in support of those desires.
I have noticed a pattern and I think I have a lot of trouble with facing “unknowns” and feelings of inadequacy.
I think the pattern is this: I have a thought that, conscious or not is, “I need to ‘hide out’ until I am no longer inadequate.” Then, as soon as start developing good thoughts where I am bold enough to think that I am “adequate” enough to take the action I want to take to live a great life, something will come along to “prove” that I am not adequate. I will take the extra step (and maybe this is partly why I feel inadequate) of blaming myself for whatever that thing is (eg. another person’s actions; sucker-punch-type life event, etc.)
This pattern keeps me stuck, leads me to feel powerless, and makes me feel like I am living like a victim.
I am wondering if there are any questions I can ask myself when I notice this pattern, new thoughts to think, or resources to dive into further to help me to break out of this pattern?