I had an incident last night that was unique to my 44 years and I am hoping to get some help deciding the healthiest way to process it. My SIL, who was visiting my home, came somewhat unglued and first accused me of (truly) wanting her dead (which was so preposterous that it sort of bounced off my heart and into WTF-That’s Funny Land) and then rolled out a variety of grievances that she’s been holding on to where I’m concerned. These included ‘taking her brother away from her’, which I have very successfully not-flipped to T: Yes, I took him away and I’d do it again and again – I take him, and ‘in 2006 I took her parents’ hotel room when we all went to Maui’. I don’t feel the need to work any thoughts around that particular accusation as the only memories I have of 10 years ago in Maui are happy ones.
The trouble, is that she spoke in a tone of voice and in a volume (venomous screaming) that I have never really experienced before. She very clearly has been harboring some serious negative thoughts about me for a very long time. The decision has already been made and communicated that she won’t be returning to my home, but I’m left feeling unmoored. I think the thought is something like “she hates me and she shouldn’t’. So…
C: SIL communicates
T: She literally, truly *hates* me
F: unmoored, out of my element
I think the problem is that I’m having trouble coming to grips with the idea that anyone could hate *me*, which I know sounds silly, but srsly – hate is a strong word and I do not use it lightly. Any ideas on how to deal with this? Simply deciding to think better feeling thoughts feels like placing a bandaid on an amputation. Maybe I’m emotionally soft to hate/anger/screaming people because I’ve honestly never come across it before. Ever. Ouch.