Dear Brooke

I have noticed that my default setting is always I’m no good, no one wants me, I will be rejected, I don’t have anything to offer. I have obviously practiced and reinforced this for many years 🙁

Whenever there is a conflict situation I always expect that I will lose. Its my first port of call. I was speaking to a friend and said that I was worried that if I didn’t agree with the rest of the board (I am the CEO) that they would challenge my position and have me removed, my friend said, “really, is that the first place you go and the only answer you can come up with?” I honestly did not think there would be any other answer or any other place to go than to accept being kicked off the board. I do my models

C: disagreement at board table
T: Oh my god, they think I am useless, that I am not CEO material, they are going to have me removed from my position and my role on the board, I am no good at this job and thats what they obviously think.
F: rejected, terrified, worried, anxious, self doubting
A: I cry and fret and don’t sleep and try to ‘wing it’ and sound ‘sensible’ and say the right things to them to get the right answers, hope they like me and want me.
R: I tie myself in knots and doubt I have anything to offer. I feel scared and worried and hopeless

C: disagreement at board table
T: Its ok that people disagree, its normal, good robust discussion helps resolve issues and gets results
F: In control, confident and calm
A: continue being a great CEO who has the ability to listen to everyones point of view and welcomes debate
R: board has confidence in me and the business grows

I can do the model but I don’t really believe it at this stage. A friend recently asked me to help her in her business (since I am good at growing businesses as i have done it many times before) I really asked her to stretch, to go all in to get to her goal of $120k and showed her a clear path to get there, I said she would have to be willing to be afraid, to stretch so she can grow and reach her financial goal. She sent me a message saying she’s not that kind of person and she didn’t want to have time away from her kids or get balls of steel to pull it off, she said stretching is not aligned with how she wants to feel, she says this is honouring herself. I said I totally understand and respect her decision which is true, however i felt rejected, very small and ashamed. my model

C: Gave Nicki my suggestions to help her grow her business to which she said she is unwilling to do
T: she doesn’t like my plan, I’ve totally fucked up because my suggestions did not align with her personal values. I am useless, I should have known that, I did expect that this would be her answer. She probably hates me now.
F: embarrassed, sad, rejected
A: write her a note to say i totally understand and i support her no matter what
R: feel sad and useless and hide away at home hoping the horrid feelings will pass

C: Gave Nicki my suggestions to help her grow her business to which she said she is unwilling to do
T: This is what i expected, she is unwilling, not ready or unable to stretch to reach her goals and thats ok
F: I did my best to help
A: I will always be open to helping and supporting people whenever they ask
R: Focus on my own business and grow it because that floats my boat.

But I still feel like crap, why is this the first place I go, do i just need to be really touch on myself and fiercely redirect my brain to focus on things that serve me and help me grown. Or do I feel the sadness and feelings of rejection and let them pass in their own time? I really want to move past this awful habit of thinking the worst and feeling like the axe is about to fall on my head. Would really appreciate your feedback. Many thanks Bridget