Standing up for my needs in marriage

Hi Brooke – Thank you for your amazingness. Could you coach me a bit on relationship power issues / self respect? I have a hard time standing up for myself in our marriage. I tend to crumble when my husband gets upset; he’s a jerk when he doesn’t get his way. I often just roll with things to avoid conflict (people pleaser = liar, I know, I know ;). Today, I put my foot down on something and I am struggling about it.

My husband wanted to take our 5 year old son to Japan… for 48 hours on a whim. I respect the sentiment – that my husband wanted to spend time with our son and take him on a special trip – but the logistics of it really could be disastrous and unfair for a 5 year old. My husband called me selfish and told me I was making his life “difficult” and that he’s going to try to make my life “difficult.”

I know my thoughts create my feelings, and I can choose to feel compassion towards him for being stuck in emotional childhood or having had an abusive mother, etc. But sometimes I feel like I’m choosing compassion for him at the expense of my own self respect. Is this a boundary thing? Give me some guidance wise one.