Struggling with my desire to give up food.

Hi Brooke.

After a full week of overeating my food, I feel like I’m spiraling into somewhat of a depression. I keep thinking I should sign up for weight watchers, but then I remember that I ended up gaining all my weight back from that. So I understand that WW isn’t the answer. 😐

I never realized until now just how much I’ve made food my ultimate pleasure in life. This morning I woke up out of bed mostly because I committed to making josh and I bacon and eggs for breakfast. Food was the dominate reason for energizing me to get out of bed this morning. This is terrifying to me.

My mind keeps going back to the idea of weight watchers because at least then I would have a strict amount of points to eat, so then I would maybe feel more structured. Right now I feel:
•overwhelmed (because I don’t know what to do with myself without food)
•alone (I don’t talk to anybody about this whatsoever so I feel lonely)
•depressed because I see no point. (I don’t know what my goal weight should be, or what I should even shoot for)

Back in 2016 when I was on weight watchers, all these feelings above were somewhat met.
I for sure had:
•food being the star of my life, so I didn’t constantly have to face myself. (I realize this is why WW isn’t the answer)
•socialization. I was pretty damn popular at the weight watchers meetings and on their social media.
•I had a goal in mind and knew that if I just followed the points system that I would get there eventually.

But I get it.

I don’t want to be a point counter my whole life.😓 I understand fully 100% that your way is the true way. I understand this because it is indeed the hardest.

I think I’m getting depressed and need some help because I just don’t see the point. It’s not that I don’t think Im capable, I know I am capable. I’ve lost 65 pounds before on weight watchers, so I know I’m capable of losing it again.

Right now I just don’t see why I should try. Like really- what the hell will I do if I give up my pleasure of overeating? How will I manage to create a new life for myself outside of food?

Who the hell will I be during the holidays?

Who the hell am I without the love of food?

I don’t even know what to do with myself when I’m not letting food consume my mind and time.

I really need help with this and want to get over this slump. I have applied all of your teaching concepts to my work life and my marriage and have flourished beautifully. But my eating life is a totally different story.

Now that I’m doing the work for February, my dominant feeling for the day is “dread”. It’s dread because I’m so huge and my body is tired. This makes me sad because I know I shouldn’t be okay with this, but for some sick reason, I am okay with it because I keep allowing it.

Should I volunteer to be coached on this?
Sorry this was so all over the place, but right now my competing reasons for losing weight are truly winning over my compelling reasons.

Thanks so much for any insight.

Debbie 🙏🏼