My husband and I have been married for 19 years and have dabbled in the swinging community for most of that time. We haven’t actually had a full swap experience with another couple. I am at a point where I don’t feel like going to the events because they feel like a waste of time. We go somewhere I wouldn’t choose to go if we were going with friends, to make small talk with people we’re not interested in. My husband is more optimistic and wants to keep going to events. He says even if we don’t meet a couple we like, we’re out and having a good time together. I can think of things I would rather do together than feel awkward at a random place with random people. I want to compromise with him and go sometimes but every time events comes up he wants to go to I’m filled with dread and resistance and I get irritable and don’t want to go. How do I come to a place of either going and not being in a horrible mood about it, or being able to say I don’t want to do this any more ever without feeling terrible and guilty?