My boyfriend and I are both living big changes in our lives: I just learned that I’m pregnant and he got a new job with a bunch of new responsibilities.

Yesterday, we had a discussion about what was coming up for him for the next months, and from my perspective, he put a lot of emphasis on the fact that he is going to be really busy and preoccupied. Hearing that, my brain immediately went to the thought “Oh my god, what a bad timing to be pregnant”, which led to the emotion of panicky.

Then, I was mad at him, because I thought that he shouldn’t put so much emphasis on the fact that he is going to be so busy and how was he expecting me to react at that beside with panic? I know those are just thoughts, and that nothing he says should have the power to make me react like that, and that if my brain went to the thought “Oh my god, what a bad timing to be pregnant’, it’s because a part of me believed that.

After the panic and angriness, I felt guilt because I thought, “Well great, now he will never want to share his feeling with me again.” I try to do a model on the situation, but I haven’t figure it out yet. I think many emotions are tangled all together. Is it possible that I have 3 models there and that I created a system of negative thinking (based on the book Self-coaching 101, p.111)?

Here’s what I have so far:

C: Boyfriend tells me: “I’m going to be really, really, really busy for the next few months”
T: Oh my god, what a bad timing to be pregnant
F: Panicky
A: I shut myself down from him; Spinning thoughts about the bad timing; Thinking that he shouldn’t put so much emphasis on the fact that he is going to be so busy
Result/Thought: “It’s because of him that I’m panicking about the pregnancy”
F: Angry
A: Snap at him and tell him that I got the message pretty clear
Result/Thought: “Well great, now he will never want to share his feeling with me again”
F: Guilt
A: Beat myself up for reacting this way; Tell myself that he just wanted to share how he feels with me and that I push him away instead of
being comprehensive; Tell myself that I ruined our communication; Tell him that I think that from now on he will not share his feelings
with me and just act like everything is ok even if it’s not; I shut myself down in sadness and guilt.
R: I don’t show up as the person I want to be.

I would love to have your feedback on it!
Thanks!