I wrote in a question a few days ago titled “love??”
The response was very helpful thank you. I am still left wondering if it is responsible to “drop the drama” and move forward with love in regard to my family situation.
My family has been torn apart over memories brought forth by my sister and I regarding inappropriate sexual boundaries in our childhood. We incurred significant bullying from out 2 other siblings for saying what we did and choosing not to have our parents babysit our kids. My sister and I reached a point where we said we would not discuss it with our 2 siblings anymore. My 2 siblings state we destroyed our parents and that we have no right to say we won’t discuss it anymore.
The problem has been that we tried to discuss it for 20 years and there was no point to it. Everyone just kept getting more hurt so I asked to end the fight and agree to disagree. I said I was sorry for the pain I caused my parents and my siblings. They feel I am skipping off to lala land after destroying my parents life. They think that “choosing my thoughts to move on” is cruel. They think SCS is a selfish philosophy, that choosing to be happy is fine for me as I can go on with my life and turn a blind eye to all the pain I caused the family. Some days I feel strong in SCS and believe it has saved me from the crazy drama! I believe that they too are responsible for their thoughts and could choose better ones in regards to our family history and thus move on. But then I get caught in guilt and wonder am I just a real jerk like they say? Do I not deserve to be happy given my words caused so much pain for all of them? Am I betraying my other sister who stands firm in her memories and condemnation of them all for making her life hell for speaking the truth?
She too condemns my SCS approach because she is a therapist and believes I need to stay in therapy to understand the full impact of my trauma. She thinks by me not going to therapy I am saying she is crazy, her profession is invalid, etc, etc. I am trying to be loving. I don’t want to people please. I see both sides. I just want to love everyone for how they choose to view our family history and how they choose to move forward. However, when I say that, I am then told I am cruel, in denial and irresponsible. Is it possible to make a model out of this? Thank you for your help. I am getting caught in their argument that “choosing thoughts” is “not living in reality”.
