As I went through the March workbook, I’m pretty sure I underlined every single sentence.

This is going to be an awesome month.

I always thought of myself as a positive person, and I remember listening to the negativity podcast last year, and thinking how it didn’t apply to me.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I’m still so negative about money, about how I don’t have as much as I want, and how others have what I want. How out of reach it feels.

I also discovered negative feelings about success, which run along the same lines as money.

I didn’t even realize I was thinking these thoughts!

There were many others. It’s amazing how aware I am now.

As I went through the workbook, I tried taking some of your thoughts and changing them to fit my thoughts.

For example, there was one part where you were talking about drinking, and your new thought was, “I’m sophisticated and confident, with no desire for wine in a beautiful bar.”

I changed it to, “I’m sophisticated and confident, with no desire for spending.”

But the ‘truth’ is, I want to spend.

I think, if I just go buy a new wardrobe, I can quit thinking about it and love myself and feel presentable and that need will be fulfilled, and then I can save money.

I realize this is putting happiness on that future moment, I’ll be happier when…, sort of thing.

I also realize this is totally a self love issue.

So, now I feel like before I even work on the money problem, I need to really love myself.

This is so hard.

I don’t dislike myself. I think I’m pretty good. I’m a good mom. My husband thinks I’m stellar. But I just think I’m okay.

Okay has always been good enough.

Until now.

I totally feel like everything, the money, the business, my whole future, is waiting for me to really love me.

I want to be the girl who doesn’t hesitate to post a selfie, not because I want others to see me, but because I believe in myself so much that it doesn’t matter if nobody likes my photo. I want it to be enough that I like my photo.

I’m not a big social media person in the first place, but as a new business owner, I see the opportunity for free marketing there. I don’t want to feel scared to post a photo of myself or to feel like I need to ‘look good’ for everyone.

So, we’re coming up to my question.

I need to believe that my life is good enough with what I have right now. With the amount of money that I have and the clothes in my closet and everything else.

This is where I have that cognitive dissonance.

What I have right now isn’t where I want to be. Being okay with it doesn’t feel like I’m growing. It feels negative to stay where I am. It’s full of lack. But, I understand the concept of being happy in the moment instead of believing that my life will be better when I have more money.

And I have to keep telling myself that it’s not even about the money.

It’s about loving myself.

How do we choose thoughts that create abundance in the present moment while we’re still visualizing our future self?

I want to have unconditional love for myself.

But, I also want that brighter future that I can see.

Do I have two thoughts that I need to keep running here?

One: I want to love myself unconditionally.

Two: my visualization ‘script’

Thank you for reading to the end.