My husband separated from me, but we still own the house and property together. Yesterday when I was in the garden I noticed the dogs sniffing around the septic, I went and checked and realized the board over the septic was completely rotten and caved in. My immediate reaction was to take a photo of it and text it to my husband telling him this needed to be fixed. He said he will and all seems ok so far.

But then afterward I realized I didn’t want to text him it was just a habit of reaching out to him as I did for the last 15 years during our marriage. But now he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore and I need to find my independence again and take care of things by myself.

As a side-note, at the beginning of our marriage, my husband often complained that I am too independent and that I don’t let him do anything and/or take care of things. So then I started to not do certain things myself anymore but asking him to do it or to help me. One of the reasons he’s leaving me now is, ironically, he’s saying I am too dependent on him and he doesn’t want that…

So I did a model on this septic situation, can you please take a look at it

C – board over septic rotten
T – Oh no [husband] needs to be fixed asap
F – unable, worried
A – took a photo and texted it to husband, pushing the responsibility to fix it to husband, not taking responsibility for my things and taking care of my things
R – I rely on husband to fix things, I am not independent

I know I need to change my habit of right away asking my husband for help, so I need to stop myself in my tracks before I act. What thoughts could I practice to do that?