The C line for abuse

When I was between 10-12 years old an older male cousin began bringing me into dark rooms and closets and kissing me, touching me, and wanting me to do the same to him. When we were in public he would mock and ridicule me. In private he treated me differently. For decades I’ve felt responsible for this relationship because I felt in love with him and desperate when it abruptly ended when he got a girlfriend a few years later.

Until very recently, I have never spoken of this except to my husband and children.

I’m trying to figure out a C line for this experience but no matter what I put in the C line I can’t make it neutral.

How do I come up with a neutral C line for this experience?