I get into these cycles, when I start seeing someone new, with my thoughts about texting. I know that it is about my thoughts but I am finding it hard to reduce the intense anxiety I get around when/whether a guy I’m seeing will get back to me. I try to make rules for when I will reply and what it means if he does/doesn’t reply.
I make him not replying within some random and variable time frame mean something about how he feels about me AND I make HIS speed of replying mean something about how I am allowed to feel about him. Basically, all of this totally distracts me from thinking about whether I like him or not. I wish I could spend 50% less time obsessing over the texting and a lot more time looking at what do I like about him?

When replies/texts first, I I get to think: “I am a catch”, “he likes me”, “he is wonderful.” I can think all of that now. I have points where I feel allowed to think all those Ts whether he has replied or not, but then other days, and as we go on more dates, it feels like the only time it is acceptable for me to think that he is great and likes me and thinks I’m a catch is when he has texted back quickly. So basically I allow my imaginings of his Ts to affect my whole day and sense of who I am, self worth.

I keep going back to this. I get filled with something like rage when he does not reply. My thought isn’t even “Oh he is not interested and I guess that is over” (which ultimately is good, I want to be with someone that wants to be with me and if he does not want to be with me that is chill). So it is not that I like him and am disappointed he does not like me, my thought is the same even if I am not sure if I want to see him again and it is something like “how dare he disrespect me.” I don’t make a slow or non-reply to a text mean that someone disrespects me in any context outside of dating. but it feels REALLY true, as if: “[insert any dude’s name]’s not texting me back is a sign of disrespect and/or apathy.”

How can I work to unpacking this and work through it?