I am married for seven years. My husband is a great dude and he has one particular behavior, and that is, every time he wants something and I don’t, he gives me the silence treatment. This can go on two weeks, where he doesn’t speak or speak coldly and mainly avoids me.
Over the years I kind of got used to these waves and since I am in scholars I get it even more that his behavior is all on him.
Since a week ago I got a new silence treatment, which is still ongoing.
I noticed that my brain circles back to the same thoughts I have each time he does that, and they are:
– It’s always his opinion or nothing.
– Here we go again.
– Why is he acting coldly towards me?
– I can be cold back, go feed yourself dinner.
– What’s gonna be already with this marriage?
– F this, I don’t need this shit.
All these thoughts cause me to feel either hurt, estranged, fear, anxious, and uncomfortable. None of which result in good action, because they cause me either to escape the house (I work from home, as does he), ignore him and act cold back, worry, and overeat.
The most that I got so far with changing my thoughts is to:
– How he feels is on him. He has thoughts that cause him to feel cold towards me, and that’s okay.
– No need to panic. We are two humans trying our best in this marriage.
– While he figures out his own head I should only focus on mine.
So for a moment these thoughts feel better or more peaceful than the previous ones but throughout the day, because we live under the same roof, the discomfort and anxiety come back.
Should I, at that point, simply allow the discomfort or should I still try to change my thoughts?