Wow the holidays are a good time for thought work.
Yes I get to decide who I spend time with. Yes that decision is sometimes more layered, with family that decision can mean my husband and children are impacted where as with a friend it does not really impact on them.
Yes I can set boundaries and follow through with love and firmness.
Yes others dont make me feel anything – I do that every time.
Yes there are no but’s or however’s.
I want to type the facts and the story that I belive explains why I should feel shitty about this particularly situation I am in. But that is pointless.
This is what I have…and I would appreciate your coaching on this.
I don’t want to feel love and kindness, they are not my tribe, but I do want to feel empowered.
They are who they are.
They run 1.5 hours late for a 2 hour lunch sitting for my husbands birthday.
They come 1 hour late to dinner when they said 4 hours earlier they would be on time.
They are rude.
They dont care what others think.
They do what suits them…or maybe they do what they think makes them appear better than others…which makes me sad for them. But that is of no value so I won’t bother staying here for too long!
They leave 3 suitecases at the hotel for us to fly home for them, without ever asking if this is ok.
They basically don’t give a shit about others.
I get to decide if I want to feel angry or frustrated about this.
I would be stupid to think rainbows and unicorns. That would be a doormat according to my definition at least.
But being enraged is pointless.
I can set a boundary.
It will be breached. That I know.
I can also decide to love them for the flawed humans they are.
I can decide to not spend extra time with them, not because they make me feel anything, but because I just would prefer to do pretty much anything else, including picking up garbage, than spending time with them, it would be of more value to the world!
And the time I do spend with them. I can make it horrible or I can make it simple and predictable.
It is simple.
It is predictable.
I can breathe.
I can chose to be calm.
I can decide not to let it drain my energy.
I can love them and let them Be.
I can let them go.
I can live my life and let them live theirs.
This is a beautiful thing.
This is my space between blame and being a doormat. It is the space where I decide who I will be.
I didn’t find this space today. I lost my shit. But a year ago I would still be in that red hot rage, but with this work I am here. With self enquiry and coaching I am back in that soft spot (thanks Pema) where everything is Ok and not Ok at the same time, that that is just how it is meant to be.
I realise this is a bit of a rant.
But I would really appreciate your coaching on where I need to go from here or if here is just where I need to be.