C: Nanny and I are discussing snack ideas for my daughter. I say “whenever you give her a fruit/bread/carb, please also give her a protein/fat source to balance it out.” She says “Ok, but I’ve never done that for anyone ever.”
T: She thinks I’m wrong and don’t know what I’m doing
F: Anger/defensiveness
A: Try to explain/justify my request, think about how mean she always is and how I want to get a new nanny, this leads to a recurrent thought spiral that goes something like “well I can’t get a new nanny until we figure out our living situation” (we are in the midst of trying to buy a house), “I can’t figure out our living situation until my husband approves my realtor choice and he still hasn’t looked into it”, “he doesn’t know how to manage his time”, and frequently that leads to “maybe if I had married someone else I wouldn’t be in this situation”. I daydream about if I had married a magical person and we owned a nice home in a reasonably priced part of the country, had perfect looking and acting kids, etc etc

I am exaggerating a bit but I’m not kidding that frequently something as small as my nanny’s comment can trigger a thought spiral that ends up with me regretting everything. I know my perfectionism is playing a role here and I don’t want to think this way. Any suggestions?