Thought work on People Pleasers as liars

Hi Brooke,

I did a deep dive into the question “do you agree that people pleasers are liars”. So yes, I agree that people who do not tell their truth are ipso facto liars.

Then I played over the question “why?”. I understand that people do it to be accepted, liked/loved. But I find for me, this does not resonate as much. Or at least not entirely. There are three reasons: keep the peace (for better or for worse, I am big on harmony); I perceive their needs as more important to mine (e.g. partner’s tax issues vs. my spare time); and finally, and this is the interesting finding… doubt. Perhaps I am wrong. Maybe I am not seeing clearly the whole picture. Maybe I have a thought error to work on before saying no. Doubt… compounded by a sense that I can do and be better.

So I am trying to boil it down to the core issue. Is it really because I want people (the select few that I do this with) to like me? Or is is self-doubt and lack of self-care?

Also, for those select people, I am starting to discern a underlying belief: “they cannot do it without me”. I see helplessness. I also see that there is a deep reliance on me. And I feel I need to do it, out of sense of duty or service.

Is it possible that they are several conflating issues?