My husband has a long standing history of Hypertension. He has been non compliant with medication for this. Recently, he had an EKG that showed some changes and he will have cardiac stress test soon. He changed his way of eating (started eating more healthy) for about 1 week and now he is back to his old ways of eating high sodium, unhealthy foods. He still has not picked up his cholesterol medication. I find myself judging him a lot in my mind. I have improved so much in the sense I do not nag him anymore and I constantly remind myself that he is living the exact life he is supposed to and also try to deliberately remind myself of how great he is and everything he does for our family.

It still hurts. I find myself catastrophizing – he might die soon, I will be a widow and take care of our kids alone. I also feel he does not love me or himself enough to change his ways. I am in a lot of pain

C : Husband said words on the phone , “I ate panda express for lunch, I will pick up medication today “. medication was prescribed 2 weeks ago
T : He still does not care about his health.
F : Angry
A : Lie to him about having work to do and hang up. I catastrophize about our future where he dies and I am alone with kids. Look for other evidence where he does not care for his health. I buffer with SCS coaching calls (and tell myself I am not on the only one in this world who is in pain). Consider giving up my joy eat this weekend so he will eat something healthy too
R : I do not enjoy him or our relationship this weekend

C : same
T :
F: peace
A : be supportive to him, remind myself deliberately of all the good things he does for me (do a TD on how amazing he is), don’t control him, eat my planned joy eat on Saturday evening with him, love him unconditionally
R : I have a great time with him this weekend

I cannot find a T that could make me feel at peace. Should I spend more time on “why I am upset with him”?