My husband and I are discussing my desire to divorce. He hates this and says he believes that if we get divorced:
– “our family will be torn apart”
– “my investment of 20+ years in our relationship will have been wasted”
– “our kids lives will be turned upside down for nothing”
These thoughts are causing him tremendous pain. I have offered some reframes, some other possibilities that are as equally likely as these outcomes. He dismisses my reframes as wishful thinking. He says that if wishful thinking were enough to create real change, then I would already have the business I wanted and the career I wanted.
I notice I have some sensitivity about this last statement because I feel some shame for not having already accomplished more in business and in my career.
But I want to keep holding the vision of positive possibilities for each of us and the kids post-divorce. Otherwise I’ll go mad, and I don’t think my husband has anyone else in his life to offer him a narrative that is other than gloom and doom about our situation. I have hope that if I keep gently offering other possibilities and ways of looking at things, he may open to more positive thoughts.
What are some thoughts that I can practice that can remind me to focus on my best-case-scenario, even when he’s saying doomsday things?