So before I was buffering with food and sometimes drink, netflix and even reading Ask Brooke posts. I have goals but for some reason my resistance is always stronger and I’m physically tired just thinking about them and all the things that I need to do to make them happen. I have a full-time (very busy) job and yet it takes me half a day of buffering before I get down to it and then I’m scrambling to make deadlines (which I always make). I just feel apathetic about it. The job in and of itself has a lot of pros – the cons are that I am more or less just bored of it but I make a good living – I know it is my choice to stay but I know it is out of scarcity thinking. If I left to do something I’m more interested in I’d probably make half the money, I would most likely not be able to keep up the standard of living that my kids and I are currently used to (whole host of fears around that one). And I wonder if I would be any happier. I am the type of person that wants to know something is going to be a success, if the time and effort will be worth it before actually exerting all that energy which seems to have escaped me now. So instead of food and the above I find myself crawling into bed in the afternoon to take a nap before the kids get home (they don’t know that). I’m trying to be a good role model for my kids and I worked really hard this year on my side business and did two art shows but I did not get the ROI on it. Right now I’m a little in the hole after Christmas and I have my daughter’s birthday coming up as well. I know I’ll end up all right as I should get a decent tax return this year but I’m wondering if I should change what I’m selling – I get all kinds of compliments but the sales just aren’t there and then I feel like if I’m changing what I’m doing to try and go with what I think the ‘market’ likes then I’m just getting farther away from what I like and it’ll just be a waste of time. I am not averse to hard work – I take care of this house, the yard, the kids, but lately just really feeling beaten. I have been doing the NS/NF and IF – I usually don’t have breakfast – for the last month and really only slipped a couple of times and I was down 10lbs and now I’m back to being just 6lbs down – I’m generally not hungry between meals but I’m frustrated that the weight is not coming off faster. So I’m trying to come up with some positive game plans and positive thoughts to think and visualizing how I think I would feel if I achieved my goals but I just keep getting stuck in negative cycles. I’m listening to the Joe Dispenza book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself – I really would like to shift out of this spin cycle – I feel like I’ve been in this mid-life crisis since my 30’s and now I’m in my late 40’s and still am not happy with what I have accomplished. If I tell any of my friends/relatives this they look at me like I’m crazy but that’s where I’m at. I’ve done the affirmations, I am able to detach a lot of the time and watch my thoughts and I’ve taken action with different areas of my life but always end up feeling like I’m just not enough (didn’t even go into the whole dating situation). I know you’re going to say ‘commit’ and just stick to it which is what I have been trying to do but then I fall off the wagon so to speak and then that just lowers my confidence. I’m not even sure what I’m asking anymore… some sort of magical potion would be nice…