I recently realised I have a trauma bond with someone I became friends with , we are both in relationships, nothing physical ever happened but we both really liked each other…I think.
For context this is how we met: he messaged me out of the blue on social media asking about my work, pretending not to know me, it turned out we both go to the same athletics complex. Then one day he posted a pic of him to social and realised he was the guy always hanging around me at the track. Curiosity got the better of me one day and we got chatting and the rest is history.
I think he is a narcissist and I realised this quite quickly but I could not stay away. He completely love bombed me and now that’s gone away I have the thought I am not worthy. He treated me like dirt and I kept going back. He’s lost interest in me and I have found it so hard to move on, its been about 6 months now, it never really even ended he just disappeared, and every few months he messages me.
I was snooping on Facebook and a beautiful girl commented on his post. I’m not proud, but I went on her profile. I started scrolling her lovely pictures, and I notice he has liked any picture of her dressed up or her face or her in a bikini. This is exactly what he did to me (no bikini shots though!) and he doesn’t follow her… or me even though we were friends for 2 years! !
When we first met he sent me a message I quickly realised he didn’t follow me and thought this was suspicious (it was so his wife didn’t find out I guess!)
So part of me feels like this is evidence that he is a repeat offender, I wasn’t special, we weren’t best friends, it was all fake. he’s on to the next girl, I desperately wanted to deny this reality but I cant, now I’m left feeling so stupid angry and hurt. Part of me wants to tell him I know and that I think he’s a ….
but then I think I will look like a bunny boiler, I’m left with all this anger and upset with no outlet. I feel like such a fool. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel hurt as I’m in a relationship and so is he, I also feel like I deserved this.
How do you heal a trauma bond?