Hello! I’m a new scholar this month and I’m very excited about doing this work. The first thing I’ve discovered about myself is that I have trouble putting words to the things I’m feeling. I’ll think, “how do I feel right now?” and my answer is usually, “nothing.” As a kid, I was taught that all feelings are transient, that “this too shall pass,” and so I never spent much time on them. Unless my feelings are very strong (i.e., anger, major frustration, elation, overwhelmed), I just don’t notice them much. Reading Self Coaching 101, one of the exercises was to name the top three feelings I’d like to feel. This took me FOREVER! However, I can’t help but think that these feelings, even though I’m not actively aware of them, and can’t name them, are, in fact, affecting my actions and results.
While writing this, I started to think that maybe this is just a matter of practicing the process – taking a minute to notice if I’m feeling anything. Not all emotions are huge and dramatic. And perhaps some things I’ve identified as thoughts might be feelings (I’m feeling introspective vs. I am introspective)? I can’t tell if I’m on the right track here (so right now I feel confused – is this progress?). I think I’ve always skipped the F part of the model and assumed my thought led directly to my action.
How can I start to identify my feelings? Can I use the list included in the book and just read through until one seems right for each model? Thank you for your help, and for the work you’re doing in the world.