I know that the “right” answer concerning self worth is, “I am worthy because I exist.”
I get that- or, at least I think I do. My problem is that I think I am UNworthy if a goal or “next step” does not work out.
For some reason, these are separate concepts for me.
The emotion that arises when I feel unworthy if a goal or next step does not work out is panic.
I am having a little bit of a problem untangling this, maybe because my emotion is panic. ( ? )
C- goal not achieved/”next step” in goal unsuccessful
T- I am unworthy
A- freeze, stop taking action, think why did I bother – I don’t deserve this anyway- how foolish to think I did, Don’t work on goals, put in half efforts, ruminate, avoid feeling “unworthy” at all costs by not taking action (ignorance of unworthiness is bliss- I can pretend I am worthy of my goals if I never have to prove it true…)
R- Continue to think I am unworthy, don’t chase after goals unless I can guarantee perfection or near perfection first
This is a vicious cycle… and I would like some help getting OUT! I would love to be a person who goes after what they want and does not quit at the first sign of trouble.
I would love to be someone who could, say, commit to 60 workouts in 55 days and not spazz out and not exercise for the next six months if, say, on day 10 I have done only 4 workouts…. (this is not something I am actually going after, but demonstrates the principle of how I sometimes operate.) I would love to do 52 workouts instead and not totally freak out about it. I would love to be satisfied with the commitment to goal achievement and next steps without making everything life or death, a situation of proving worth or risking embarrassment of the “total foolishness” of even trying. I don’t want a life of panic mode because everything does not go perfectly. I would like to find a way to not only be compassionate with myself, but also satisfied with the fact that I did not quit even if the result is not quite perfect.