I have been in Scholars for a year and changed almost everything in my life for the better but still struggle with my relationship with my husband at times.
Recently he confronted me with a long list of “things he needs from me” which irked me greatly because he should learn to take care of his own needs, and not look to me for validation. I realize I am also having a ‘manual’ for him or fighting reality, as I’m blaming him for not doing his own thought work. (He should try to change himself first instead of trying to change me)
One issue is that he dislikes his current stable job in consulting and wants to start his own business. He asks me for my opinion on various business ideas, then is unhappy when I express what he perceives as negative opinions.
C. Husband said: “I am most annoyed when you use sweeping language without respect for me or my feelings.”
T. I am not responsible for your feelings
F. Self-righteous
A. Don’t understand or try to understand what he wants from me
Think he should do his own thought work
Think he should be convicted enough of his own ideas without needing validation from me
Argue and debate what I specifically said and meant
Avoid talking to husband by spending more time w kids / sleeping very early
R. I don’t take responsibility for the relationship

I do recognize his point that I’m not being “supportive”. But I don’t think I can validate his ideas if I believe it’s a bad idea. I told him that I will eventually accept any career path / business that he eventually chooses because it’s his life. But he seems to envision support differently, like he wants me to actively help him think through different paths. Which I feel doesn’t quite make sense because he should be doing this work himself.
Or maybe I believe that I did the work myself through my own career change (he was extremely unsupportive) so I think he should suck it up and go through it himself too?