This week has been a big struggle. Some bad news from friends (health issues); having to do some antisocial hours at work; more emergencies than normal in the clinic. My usual pattern, for years, is – I have high standards and push myself hard and do many things at a high standard… but then I end up collapsing. That’s how I learn each time that I do too much. My hope is to prevent the overwhelm and the collapse. That’s what I’m trying to use Scholars for. I ran two models on this. I would appreciate some feedback.

One of my main questions is: How can I use the weekend to move from the unintentional model (where I am) to the intentional one (where I want to be, but somehow worry I won’t be able to manage)?

Unintentional Model:

C: end of week, calendar not fully adhered to as planned in Monday Hour One
T: ‘I’m terribly behind’
F: overwhelmed / flooded / stressed
A: overeat
abandon calendar altogether
don’t use my yellow notebook (capturing tasks) which really helps normally
don’t do my morning meditation
didn’t even do journaling yesterday
didn’t even do my meal planning
justify this on the basis of ‘my work is impossible at present, nothing can be done’
tell myself ‘the stress overtakes me’
sleep not good – not follow routines eg phone in other room
not walking as I normally do
wake in the middle of the night accusing myself of the things I haven’t done at work
not play the piano as I normally do
not read
not follow my tidying small routines
R: I create a state of messiness in my life, abandoning the structures that support me

Intentional Model:

C: end of week, calendar not fully adhered to as planned in Monday Hour One
T: ?
F: ?
A: spend the weekend planning and resting
say no to things I don’t have the energy for or willingness to do
make a list of my clinic work and prioritise with ruthlessness – delete tasks that can wait as we are so understaffed
focus much much more on planning and much much less on running around chasing my tail
follow my self care routines: journaling, thought downloads, reading, piano, walking
meal planning
work on my monthly goal & spend the weekend brainstorming on that and getting excited: I’ve chosen to focus on food and eating
delegate
ask for help
avoid social media & put phone aside at night
a walk each day
do thought work in my coaching about the idea of ‘being not good enough’ in a time when I literally cannot do the things I want and that I used to be able to due to understaffing
R: I make myself the top priority and do what I know works to support myself, before anything else, in a time of stress and change