More insight than a question.
I am starting to gain some perspective on the way I deal/used to deal with my life, I think. Can playing the “victim” role be a form of buffering? If I am always too busy with care giving then I can use this as an excuse to overeat and not do my self care.
I see this now.
I used to use this in my marriage.
I am now divorced but I used to think my husband was too busy drinking and paying attention to everyone else that I played the victim role and used that as an excuse to have affairs. It was a way for me to have something of my own.
I see it as the victim mentality as an overarching buffer or excuse that lead to adultery, overeating and over drinking. I ended the affairs, over drinking and the marriage but I am still working on the overall victim mentality as it relates to overeating and skipping my self care.
I recently used a death in the family, an ill parent, family obligations, work, holidays and out of state travel to eat off protocol (lots of flour and sugar), skip my SCS work, forget my intentional movement and neglect my self care.
As I was eating the last sugar cookie on Tuesday night my chest started to itch. I went upstairs and looked in the mirror and realized I broke out in a rash. Too much flour and sugar after being off of it for almost a year had resulted in dull skin, stomach issues, a rash, 5 lb weight gain and brain fog.
Looking back, I see this behavior with compassion and understanding. I am so glad it happened, all of it. I didn’t know any better but now I do and can recognize when it does happen. I will use this experience and my SCS work to move me out of buffering. I have always felt I was a victim of my circumstance, now I see I am in control more now than ever!