Weight loss as buffering?

Hi Brooke,
I am so excited to be in scholars, it took me a year to take the plunge. My question is about focusing on weight loss. Last spring it came to me that perhaps I was using focusing on weight loss as a buffer to avoid focusing on other things in my life. Maybe I was getting so wrapped up in plans and focusing on food that I didn’t have mental energy or time for anything else. I tried “taking a break” from weight loss in the spring and not surprisingly I gained weight 🙂 and still didn’t focus on other things.

As some background I have never been morbidly obese, I have struggled with being anywhere from 10-20 pounds overweight for the last 18 years. I come from a naturally thin family with a bunch of sisters who don’t eat to cope so I have always been the “big” one (self-proclaimed of course, my sisters are lovely non-judgy people).

So I finally join scholars with hopes of doing meaningful work beyond my job as a nurse practitioner in pain management. I see the effects of self-limiting thoughts all day long with my patients. I really believe that I have something to offer to this difficult population and to other providers who try and give excellent care. I know I can offer great things and start a side business if I get out of my own way….. but yet I spin my wheels with weight loss.

I have made some great progress in the last 3 months even before starting scholars with the help of Katrina Ubell’s podcast and Rachel Hart’s podcast (thank you! what a gift these two are). I am down within a “normal” weight but I am hopeful that with continuation I can get down to an awesome weight which I now believe is possible…. but am I just getting caught up more in weight loss??? UGH!

So, I know I should focus on one thing to really get the most out of scholars but I don’t want it to be weight loss. I want to lose the weight and forget about it. Maybe I am afraid to move forward with other things.

So here are some models
C: My body
T: I am using focusing on weight loss to buffer (this seems to me to be a negative thought)
F: Stuck
A: Keep focusing on weight loss
R: Use Weight Loss to buffer

C: My body
T: Weight loss is not hard or confusing
F: Relieved
A: Make a protocol and stick with it
R: Lose the weight and open mental energy for other options

So after I came up with this model my brain said ” but you think about food and diet etc ALL THE TIME!”

C: My body
T: I don’t think about food all the time anymore
F: Mindful
A: Consciously pick another thought. Should I come up with a power thought for these situations?
R: Redirect my thought away from food

Power thoughts: (suggestions welcome!)
1. I don’t think about food all the time anymore because I have a plan.
2. Food doesn’t take a lot of energy just like deciding to sleep enough every night doesn’t take energy. I don’t need to think about it right now.

Am I moving in the right direction? I don’t want my life work to be losing 10 more pounds and keeping it off! enough already! (that is my compelling reason- I have better things to do.)

Thank you for all of your help- This is going to be my year