I find myself not being hungry at all which is something I thought was impossible. I have spent most of my life obsessing and constantly thinking about food. I have a goal of losing 10 lbs. and I am finding myself almost freaked out at how much my brain is not obsessing about food or interested in eating at all. I have a protocol that just involves eating within a 8 hour time window. Now I am finding myself trying to get excited and look forward to food in the evening when I am meant to eat according to my protocol, because for such a long time food has been a source of pleasure and joy and something to look forward to.
It feels really unfamiliar to not automatically spend the day looking forward to when I eat and thinking a lot about what I will eat. It feels like if I do not fabricating this excitement for food, there is nothing to be excited about at all. Yesterday I didn’t particularly care about what I would have for dinner and then I think I had the thought “That is sad, I should be excited about my meal” and I sort of forced myself to get excited about dinner and then ate way past the point of fullness when I was originally totally uninterested in eating at all. I think I have some thoughts that are limiting me like “It is sad not to be excited about dinner”. But actually not being excited about dinner is extremely helpful to me right now in eating slightly less to achieve me goal of weighing 10 lbs. less. Should I try to actively find things I am excited about and I consider fun for the evenings maybe, that are not about eating? Possible models:
C: eating food
T: I can treat myself with dinner
F: tentative excitement
A: eat more food to try and recreate excitement and fun, eat quick and passively trying to fill the void
R: I continue to make food and the act of eating a way/the only way of showing myself love and acceptance, I do not lose weight
C: eating food
T: How can I find a way to show caring, and support and love to myself in a way that is more effective than eating?
A: I live my life larger, considering all the things that can be exciting and interesting and not limiting all the joy, excitement that I can experience to food. I actively look for ways I want to live my life, things I care abut. I listen to what my body and soul actually want and need rather than trying to take care of myself in the ways the world tells me are available to me to feel good.
R: love myself more and open my mind to a new way of living life and relating to food