As a follow up to my previous question where I noticed that I am not neutral about the number on the scale…the coach asked: “what am I making that number mean?”

It’s like, a higher number means “this might not be working” which causes a feeling of dread, and a lower number means “I’ve finally found the answer!” which causes excitement. I realize both of these things are irrational, but also noticing that they are just sentences in my brain that I can be curious about.

I also noticed that it’s not the ‘scale’ per se that isn’t neutral for me, it’s “weight.” I am certainly making a lower number mean good, and a higher number mean bad, even though I consciously don’t want to do that anymore. In full drama queen form, I’m making a lower number mean “I’m going to be thin and beautiful and everybody will cherish me and I’ll never be sad or lonely again!” and a higher number mean “Nothing I ever do works, I’m doomed, I guess this is it, I’m never going to achieve happiness.” I also understand that these thoughts are ridiculous but also interesting, and I can be curious about those thoughts.

I think what I’d do is pick one of those thoughts and do a ladder with it with the goal thought of “my weight is completely neutral.” I guess, looking at those thoughts, it makes sense that I want to step on the scale multiple times a day to remind myself that everything is gonna be okay!