When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.

Hi. So… I am really struggling with my ex-husband. I write about this often. The new therapist he is seeing to repair relations with his mother and brother, wants us to talk to and try and become more amicable.

We have tried so many times to do this but so far nothing has worked. I was just reading the Maya Angelou quote about “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” So.. with my ex-husband, he showed me who he was over and over but I was so infatuated that I didn’t believe him. Now… I believe.

I am not sure what the point of meeting with his therapist is at this point. He has shown me over and over that he is cruel and vicious and not the type of person I want in my life in any way. I don’t want to feel like I have to be far away from him, I wish I could just be indifferent but when a person continually attacks you, I think there comes a point when you have to say “enough” and protect yourself.

I feel like this is so contrary to what you teach but I don’t know how to get ok or indifferent around what I see as abusive behavior. Should I try again to be amicable with a person who for 30 years has shown me that his default is cruelty? He can “act” nice for a few days maybe even weeks but that’s it… it’s an act and it always comes to an end. Should I try again????