I don’t want to take responsibility

I’m in need of some coaching.

Here’s the model I came up with for the thought: I don’t want to take responsibility.

C-Hubby’s hours at work were cut
T-I don’t want to take responsibility
A- I try to make my husband sell his toys, I try to get him to take responsibility, I blame him, try to keep the focus on him, I pick fights, I eat, watch TV, sleep, stay up late, wake up late, don’t shower or brush teeth, I don’t work out, I don’t keep commitments to myself, I do everything else but look at the problem.
R-I don’t take responsibility

Where else is this showing up?
-my weight, what I eat, my business, parenting, debt, Kalo, parenting, my house, relationship with Marc, with myself, my van, my money, my results

So I dug a little deeper and looked at the debt that I, personally, have accrued.
I am in Coach Certification-$9000 more to go
I just signed up for a weight coach-$4000 more to go

I currently have $7900 I can pay but have no idea where the other $5000 will come from.

Which makes me think that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, that I shouldn’t have done this and there is NO WAY I’m going to be able to pay all of this and the credit card payments I’ve accrued-which of course makes me think I’m being irresponsible.

And I just want to ignore it all and crawl in a hole.

Ok-hit me with it!